“Bring us a figgy pudding… we won’t leave until we get some” [We Wish You A Merry Christmas]
OK, so a bunch of strangers are going to Occupy Your Porch and demand that the 99% gets their fair share of pudding? They're not just here to spread Christmas cheer, they have ulterior motives.
“I really can't stay... Baby it’s cold outside”
What kind of a frigophobic cop out is that? It’s cold outside for 3-6 months out of the year, depending where you live. That excuse is weak sauce. Wouldn’t it be great if that excuse actually worked? Umm I didn’t have to go to work today because it’s cold outside. I didn’t have to pay my rent this month because it’s cold outside...
“He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake” [Santa Claus is Coming To Town]
Ok I've always thought that's kinda creepy. Is Santa stalking me? Actually, the whole idea of Santa is ridiculous. It contradicts all that you are taught as a child about talking to strangers. 'Ok Johnny, go sit on this strange old man’s lap and if you’re good, he’ll give you toys and candy.'
“I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus”
So apparently Santa is only interested in stuffing your mom’s stocking. Merry Christmas, Susie. Your presents are going to be joint-custody and child support once Daddy finds out Mommy cheated on him. Poor kid’s going to need therapy.
“Grandma got runover by a reindeer”
So, really Santa should be arrested and locked up for hit-and-run. Not to mention he breaks and enters into billions of houses every year. Maybe the next series spin-off will be CSI: North Pole.
What are some of your favorite, funny Christmas songs?