Forever immortalized in Broken Lizard’s Beer Fest, the beer boot is a unique breed of alcoholic drinkware that stands alone atop the podium of imbibing royalty! Varying in size from 40oz-80oz, das boot is a legend amongst men. While its reputation certainly precedes it, one must ask: how does one effectively incorporate das boot into a night of casual revelry?
The answer, friends: impossible. Unleashing this frothy leviathan on unsuspecting masses forcibly conscripts any and all involved into immediate binge drinking. When the glassware is overflowing with the frothy ambrosia, one can’t resist the allure of their “Cinderella moment." This glass “slipper” ensures a fairytale ending of rapid intoxication, and the correspondingly brutal hangover. Therefore, one may now be asking: what would possess someone to attempt the Everest of all drinking endeavors?
Your answer:
Genius marketing aside, das boot has integrated a genuine level of alcohol abuse into the realm of the everyday imbiber. For those taking the leap into the liquid “big leagues," beware: attempting to take down a full boot will often times be disastrous. The puke-scented wallpaper adorned bathrooms across the nation speaks to this. Therefore, harness the awesome power of the “boot-tastic 6 pack” and make it a communal affair. Splitting the pain amongst friends extends usage, the night’s longevity, and the capacity to stand upright.
Next time the night hovers on the cusp of mundanity and moroseness, tip the scales back to "awesome" by busting out the fancy footwear. Whether you intend to tally up the subsequent “boot conquests," use it as a podium for drunken brilliance, or make it the centerpiece in an epic game of pong—have fun, and proceed with caution!
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