Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.  After shoving your way through a hoard of tourists in Times Square and shelling out for tickets, you and your date sit down for a night of stand-up comedy.  Only problem is, the food sucks, the act isn’t funny, and your waiter just informed you that your overpriced cocktail isn’t included in your two drink minimum.

 

But seriously, folks.

 

If you want to really want to bust a gut, look no further than New York’s best underground comedy venues.  In addition to some solid stand-ups, you’ll find some world-class improv teams and top-notch sketch shows.  Oh, and did we mention cheap?  With a top ticket price of $15, with well-priced drinks aplenty, here are your top 5 comedy venues in New York:

 

1)                  Upright Citizen’s Brigade (307 W. 26th Street)

 

This is the granddaddy of New York improvisation.  That would make its co-founder Amy Poehler, the…great-grandmother?  In any case, UCB hosts a jam-packed slate of acts 7 nights a week.  Some of New York’s funniest people routinely drop in to perform in Asssscat3000 on Sunday nights ($8), including cast members from SNL, 30 Rock, and The Colbert Rerport.  Other notable teams include The Stepfathers (featuring Zach Woods from The Office) and The Crew.

 

2)                  The People’s Improv Theatre (123 E. 24th Street)

 

Long considered the ugly stepchild of the New York sketch comedy scene, “the PIT” recently moved into some trendy new digs in Murray Hill, and features a sweet full-service bar.  Its move also served as a changing of the guard -- it has taken over as the sketch comedy capital of New York, featuring up-and-coming groups like the wacky Harvard Sailing Team and jaw-droppingly irreverent Political Subversities ($10).

 

3)                  The Kraine (85 E. 4th Street)

 

The Kraine Theater would be a dump, if the comedy weren’t so clean.  Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind, the long-running Friday night sketch comedy show by the NeoFuturists, moves from bit to bit quicker than you can say the show’s title.  Each week, the group’s goal is to perform 30 short plays in 60 minutes.  Your ticket is dependent on luck – you roll dice on the way in to set the price.  Bring a bunch of friends – a sellout results in free pizza for the audience!

 

4)                  The Magnet (254 W. 29th Street)

 

Tuesday and Wednesday nights are the best bet here, where improv is king.  The “house teams” – groups who were trained and perform weekly at the Magnet – get paired up in “Megawatt,” a night-long series of improv performances.  Tuesdays play host to “Musical Megawatt” ($7), in which groups create brand new musicals on the spot.

 

5)                  New York Fringe Festival (throughout lower Manhattan)

 

The Fringe Festival is theatrical Russian Roulette – you rarely know what’s coming, and a wrong choice could be disastrous.  Luckily, as the festival is in its last week, some favorites have emerged.  Dystopia Gardens, which closes on Saturday, has been earning rave reviews for its blend of onstage and video comedy.  Fans of TV’s Glee might be excited, if not insulted, by Gleeam, a musical parody which closes on Friday night.